Reading 954-5

TEXT OF READING 954-5 F 40 (Writer, Protestant Background,

Text

Date: 7/26/1938 Sex: F Age: 40 ReadingID: 5888

Spiritualistic Leanings) This Psychic Reading given by Edgar Cayce at his home on Arctic Crescent, Virginia Beach, Va., this 26th day of July, 1938, in accordance with request made by the self - Miss [954], Active Member of the Ass”n for Research & Enlightenment, Inc.

[Edgar Cayce; Gertrude Cayce, Conductor; Gladys Davis, Steno.]

Time of Reading 10:50 to 11:45 A. M. Eastern Standard Time. New York City. (Body and enquiring mind, and you will answer the questions she has submitted, as I ask them, concerning her physical, mental and spiritual welfare, her attitude towards and her associations with others.)

1. EC: Yes, we have the body, the enquiring mind of [954]; this we have had before.

2. Much has been given this entity regarding the mental attitudes, as in relationships to others, as well as mental attitudes respecting self and conditions which exist.

3. Yet it might well be worth while to reiterate for the body (and mind) of [954] the premise from which the conclusions may be drawn as respecting such relationships in the physical, mental and spiritual, as would be given through these channels.

4. Not, then, merely as philosophy, theology, or any of the mental sciences or relationships alone.

5. But know, ye find yourself conscious of being in a material world; with all the material appetites and desires that have become a part of this physical being of thine. Also there are those mental visions and awarenesses of a spiritual universe, with all of its phases of drawing powers.

6. There must be, then, a reality in same. For it is indeed not all of life to live, nor yet all of death to be separated physically from material environs.

7. For these, as ye find and experience, step in and out as it were; creating, producing an environment that is all its own from the attitude and outlook an individual assumes or accepts as respecting same.

8. Confusion is often caused, then, and is ever caused unless there is an ideal drawn or accepted by which all of these conditions, all of these experiences - whether physical, mental or spiritual - may be judged; or from which conclusions may be drawn.

9. Otherwise we are measuring ourselves BY ourselves, and this becomes unwise. For it again leaves confusions as to what is another’s standard.

10. But know that as ye are body, mind and soul, some portion of this trinity evidently is a part of a universal consciousness; or is accustomed to being, or may be acquainted with being on speaking terms even with that which is a universal consciousness.

11. There then cannot be one measure for you and another for I, but rather is it of such a nature that it takes hold upon all that is, all that was, all that may ever be. For that consciousness is a part of same.

12. Who, then, is the author of that awareness, of that consciousness? That which is without thyself? or that which is a part of thyself, that is also a part of that universal consciousness?

13. Hence as has been given by Him, we may be - an individual entity may be - aware of and yet not a part of that harmony that IS the birthright of all who oft commune with that universality of good - and right - and harmony!

14. Then whatever may be the form that partakes of those measures as to guide or direct one in these choices, ye know that it becomes and is thy deeper concept of that universal, that continuous hold upon consciousness itself.

15. Know that it may partake of or take on that image of the imp. For who hath not in some experience or some consciousness seen himself as such, with all the attributes of what the name itself implies!

16. And again, who hath not felt the pangs of disappointment, of discouragement, of that anxiety in which it seemeth so useless!

17. It is because the self has become enmeshed or entangled in the desires of the body, without full consideration of the mind and spirit that knows no END! and thus confuses the spiritual, the mental, the physical self.

18. Then the judgement, then the ideal, is that of the universal love, universal consciousness - that as was and is, and ever will be, manifest in Him, even the Christ - as was shown in the flesh in the MAN called Jesus!

19. Then when doubts and fears arise, when discouragements and disappointments come - yea, when joy of body or mind or soul is thine - ask thyself the question: “What would Jesus do?”

20. For if ye do that (and ye will, if you will choose), ye may have - ye DO have His promise. And remember that there is nothing in heaven or hell, in body, in mind or in spirit that He hath not experienced. And He hath given, “I am thine - I stand at the door and knock.” Saith He, “Whosoever will, open thy heart within - I will abide, I will come in and abide; and as I and the Father are one, so may ye and I be one - that the FATHER may be glorified in thee, in the MANNER in which ye deal with thy fellow man.”

21. Then, put Him not to shame by speaking, thinking or acting unkindly to thy fellow man. For “Inasmuch as ye do it unto the least of these, my brethren, ye do it unto me,” saith He.

22. It is from that premise, then, my child, that we would give thee thy answer to thy problems, now!

23. Then take each of them to Him and talk with Jesus about same!

24. Ready for questions.

25. (Q) Please analyze my life path as it now appears and tell me where its most constructive work lies NOW. What progress is being made toward the order “Make thy paths straight”? (A) This ye may better do than any source or channel that would analyze same for thee. For that which troubleth thee today, tomorrow may be as chaff in the wind, - yea, may be as burning flax.

Rather as has been given of old: USE THAT THOU HAST IN HAND TODAY, and tomorrow that as is necessary will be given thee.

For He will not fail thee! As He hath said, “Though the heavens and the earth may pass away, my word shall NOT pass away!”

Then as the kingdom is within, it is there - in the temple of thine own body, which is the temple of the living God - in which ye, thyself, MUST worship, must meet thyself and the problems of the moment. Then it is there, with Him whom ye would serve!

Whom then, this day, will ye serve? The Lord thy God, or thyself, or fame, or fortune, or any of the attributes of the material world? Knowest thou not that He knoweth what ye have need of before ye ask? But in the asking does the blessing come to thee, and in the asking and in the doing is the glory of the Lord shown to thee!

26. (Q) Please analyze my relationship with [1210] and give me directions for its continuance if it should continue. (A) This again is not beggaring the question. For who is to judge or to analyze thy relationships to any child of God, to anyone, thy brother, but thyself and thy Maker?

These are not beggaring same, but know that until the answer is within thine own conscience as pertaining to thy relationships mental, physical OR spiritual - to any soul or entity - until that answer is thine, it can only be confusion!

To say that the relationship has been and is beautiful is not - again - beggaring the question. But that it is a question within thine own conscience, as to whether or not it is to continue, indicates to thine own heart and soul a confusion.

But who may answer but thyself, thy Lord, thy ideal?

Then in Him, and in self, seek to know; using that thou hast - not unto the satisfying of any phase of thy own personality but to the glory of thy divinity, and to the INDIVIDUALITY of thy Ideal!

27. (Q) Should the more personal and intimate relationship be discontinued with its possibly devastating effect on me? (A) Again, as we would give - listen not to the voice of other than that as may come from Him who gave, “In my father’s house are many mansions - I would that ye know of these.”

There are many ways then, many approaches to those things that have to do with the personal relationships with others. If such relationships are constructive, if they are creative in thyself, in thy body, in thy mind, in thy soul, then be not fearful to lay them upon the altar of love. For He knoweth thy heart, and He hath given, “Ask and ye shall receive.”

What greater blessings then than to know that ye have in Him that approach to that universal love!

He thought it not robbery to make Himself equal with God in taking of that which doth appear to satisfy the appetites, the desires of the bodily needs of others; and there was overabundance of same ever.

Then fear not, in WHATEVER may be thy problem, to take it to Him!

28. (Q) What would the effect of such a discontinuance be on Dr. [1210]‘s work and development? (A) This again - how hath He given? Thou art indeed thy brother’s keeper, yet every tub, every vessel must stand upon its own bottom.

These are questions not to be answered through mortal, nor through disincarnate spirit, but THYSELF and with HIM!

29. (Q) Is my attitude toward Dr. [1210] highly possessive or natural? If destructive as suggested please suggest corrective measures. (A) This again ALONE CAN AND MUST BE ANSWERED WITHIN SELF!

These are not merely thy problems! They are not being cast again to thee for naught! But let that love as He hath shown for thee fill thy consciousness in such measures and manners that ye may BOLDLY approach the throne within thine own heart and mind, and say “Lord, here am I! Not my will but Thine be done! I have naught against any man! I would but that my will be Thy Will!”

And no other will satisfy. Listen to that voice, that answer that comes within, and ye will know and realize that this can ONLY - ONLY - be answered in thine own conscience!

30. (Q) Should I accept forthcoming invitations in connection with Dr. [1210]‘s work or is it best to withdraw from these? (A) These answer themselves with the answering of that first problem.

31. (Q) How much effect does […] [deceased son of [1210]] have on my thinking and do you find his directions as helpful for me as for his father? (A) Only to that extent as ye allow him to have an effect!

Who is thy God? Who is thy Way? In Whom do ye live and move?

Is not the Father in Jesus Christ the Lord of all? Is He not God of the living, whether they be in spirit, in mind or in body?

Then why QUESTION ye? These communications come as ASSURANCES, not as guides, not as directors! For He ALONE is the Way! He ALONE is the Truth!

Then WHY - WHY harken to that which will ONLY bring confusion, when ye confuse thy ideal?

32. (Q) Please give some thought or meditation as help to overcome results of the recent terrible crisis. (A) Just as has been given:

“O GOD! NOT MY WILL, NOT MY PURPOSE BUT THINE!”

Remember the prayer as He gave.

“IF POSSIBLE LET THIS CUP PASS FROM ME, BUT NOT MY WILL - THINE O GOD BE DONE IN AND THROUGH ME! HERE AM I, LORD - USE ME! THOUGH IT BREAK MY BODY, THOUGH IT PURGE MY SOUL, USE ME AND LET ME NOT ABUSE THY PROMISES BUT MAKE THEM MINE - DAY BY DAY!”

33. (Q) Is the writing such as … being done with Dr. [1210] to be continued? (A) It is to be continued for the time, as we find. This again must depend upon choices that are being made and to be made by each of you.

34. (Q) Is such my own work or his? Should I sign this work? (A) What seekest thou? To exalt thyself, [1210], or thy Lord?

Answer these!

What care ye as to whose name is used, or as to what is said - if thy ideal, thy Lord, thy God is glorified by thy service!

35. (Q) Is my effort to try to work out this situation mere foolhardiness? (A) No!

36. (Q) Is this situation a karmic condition brought about by me in the past and if so under what circumstances? How can I straighten it out now? (A) Ye are constantly meeting thyself - but do not think because they are thy problems that no one else has ever had same! Ye stand much in the position as poor Elijah. There are THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS that are ever, and are today, meeting themselves just as thyself!

Karma may be lost in Him, if ye will but seek, if ye will but have Him guide, if ye will but believe! For all power hath been given unto Him. For He ALONE hath overcome!

And doth He forgive, doth He stand by? Only when ye individually or personally put Him from thee, and turn THY FACE away, is He from thee at all!

For His great promise has been in these:

“Be my child - I will be thy God. Though ye wander far afield, though ye may be discouraged, disheartened, if ye call I will HEAR - and will answer speedily.”

O Child, put Him in thy heart and try Him!

37. (Q) Consider my efforts for [[1210]‘s estranged wife, a devout Christian Scientist] and indicate whether these should be continued and whether I am strong enough to handle her if I come to know her personally.

(A) In self, no. In Christ, yes.

38. (Q) Is my hunch to see Miss [1612] in relation to the [1210] work good and if so how should it be handled? (A) Very good! Approach only from the SPIRITUAL - not spiritualistic - angle.

39. (Q) Can I syndicate my New York Journal American feature in its new form and if so where or whom can I contact? (A) As it is as yet, we do not find it possible or plausible to syndicate. But if there is held the ideal and purpose for same to be of a greater service to God, not to self nor to man - only THROUGH man to God - it may be!

40. (Q) How can I be most helpful to my friend, J. P. Lohman, and how much activity should I undertake with him? (A) These be problems again of a different nature. But these can best be answered in the circumstances as they arise, in keeping with those ideals as set before thee. TODAY - CHOOSE THOU!

41. (Q) How can I best work with my new friend, Mrs. [1530]? (A) In the same manner, as has been indicated.

42. (Q) Can the indications of psychic talent be utilized for good if developed? (A) These become again - Do not inject self or self’s development, but God’s way and God’s plans - and they may be utilized!

43. (Q) Can you make some suggestion of how I can be more helpful to my mother [1087]? (A) Be to her as ye would have her to be to thee if the circumstances, the conditions were reversed. This requires thought and study of thy motives, but will be worth it in the joy that will be brought to thee if ye will but CONSCIOUSLY, sincerely apply same!

44. (Q) May I expect any changes for good in my living conditions? (A) What ye expect, ye receive. Expect much of thy walks with Him, but ever say, “Let the good, O Lord, be the result of my bringing good and peace and harmony into the lives of others, rather than as a seeking for same upon the hearts and minds and souls of others!”

45. (Q) Any other advice at this time? (A) Study to show thyself approved, in all good consciousness, to thy Lord and thy God - as is shown in Jesus; rightly dividing and divining the words of truth. Know that unless they are constructive, though an angel proclaim them, they are far, far from that He would have thee do or be!

Walk and talk oft with thy Lord in thy own temple; and may there be done there that as will bring to thy mind, thy body, thy soul, PEACE - His peace I give you - His peace I would have thee seek! For only in that may ye know the joy of living!

46. We are through, for the present.

Copy to Self ” ” Ass’n file

Reports

Reports & Follow-up

R1. 7/27/38 GD’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dearest [954]:-

Your very BEAUTIFUL Reading yesterday meant so much to me, and I’m sure it must mean a great deal more to you - being so personal and lovely!

I just want to write this note of appreciation for telling me the symbol you experienced. It is so apt right at this time, for I have been meditating for the last two weeks with the thought uppermost in my mind to become so selfless as to be a MIRROR in which others might see themselves as they are. So you see the diamond expresses the mirror and the blue background my effort to become one - my desire to be selfless.

Such experiences just show us that we are all ONE, and that through opening ourselves to be channels for service we can indeed be our brother’s keeper.

Thank you so much!

My heart and prayers will go out to you, and with you, through this testing period. In a small measure I think I can understand. One portion of your Reading, that was given to me several years ago, has done more to “release” me from certain emotional entanglements than anything else; that is, that each tub must stand on its own bottom. Sometimes we forget that, especially when we WANT to be so necessary to someone. However, if we could just translate that into knowing that we ARE necessary to EVERYONE who is in need of that we have to give - with His help - we would not feel such a personal drawing upon us as we give. In other words it would be rather a universal than a personal giving, though the results in people’s lives would be very personal.

I am so glad you and the Doctor could come to the Congress. It meant so much having you here, and you were such a great help. I enjoyed so much the chats we had, too.

Much love, and appreciation - for just YOU!

Gladys

R2. 7/28/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

Dear, dear Teacher:

Just a note to tell you that the reading has come and that I am very grateful to you. I shall write more later to you…but just let me say that prior to the reading and as I went into meditation my heart hurt was so deep and so real that I found myself sobbing. As usual in my close quarters here I had to control myself…

I managed to get quiet…and at about 11:15 or so a great peace came over me. After the time of the reading I felt actual joy as if all my troubles had been sluffed off.

Although I have not digested the reading as yet… I sense its message already. I am indulging in feeling a little sorry for myself…(don’t laugh). I feel just like the little girl who never gets the candy… It’s always as I made a note on receipt “I promised you the Way…not the Easy Way.”

Love and grateful thanks to you…

And more substantial thanks a little later… I needed it so much just now. I must get through a little longer…then perhaps can come to change and new decisions. [954]

R3. 7/29/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to Gladys:

New York, N.Y.

Gladys dear:

Just a note before I start work to tell you what getting your letter just this morning means. To think you would take the time to write with all you have to do! You know I have some vision of how hard you work.

Before I went down to get my mail…I felt I could hardly bear it all…my reading had come yesterday…but really Gladys I find it very hard to take and did not get a great deal of comfort out of it just now. Perhaps I shall in a little while, for I am quite ill physically as always happens with me in an emotional strain.

That symbol was most lovely. I cannot describe the clarity, the radiance and the perfect symmetry of the stone to you. But oddly I did not get an impression of a diamond as we know a diamond…it was different. All appeared against a wonderful blue. And it came out to a peak from its hexagon. As if its center came toward me. From that point I was afraid that I did things with it consciously but some very strange things came within the diamond…perfect circles and such high symbols. The first hexagonal effect was however distinctly not of MY making.

At the same time I got a remarkable thing as I thought of Hannah Miller…and I must write it to her…much more elaborate than yours. Evidently that was one of the times when I really got in on the group vibration. I have such difficulty in maintaining a schedule. Now I am taking some work from one Sri Das, Hindu teacher of the Self Realization Group…exercises of a gentle and most effective sort. I hope to really do something with it…at any rate it gives me a point of contact with a very high type of thought at just this time.

My deep appreciation for your letter…and the wonderful expressions in it. It is strange how when we are very low we need the HUMAN touch. And your letter gave it to me this morning. I was so wishing for Hugh Lynn this morning… thinking now if he were only here we would pitch in and do some work together and I would throw myself into that. But perhaps I shall be able to do that anyway for him… I have an assignment on hand.

Love…and more anon… [954] [See Source File Key #900 for hand drawn diagram of diamond and handwritten note re 954-5.]

R4. 7/30/38 (Saturday) Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

Dear Teacher:

As you know I usually let my pencil run over the paper while I am having a reading. I enclose impressions of Tuesday. Perhaps Hugh Lynn will like these better than you…but please tell him they are only rough notes in case he wishes to make any use of them they should be cleaned up.

I particularly ask that you let Gladys read these. My reading seemed to make such an impression on her. She wrote me a lovely letter. I am at low ebb emotionally and seem hardly able to register my reading. Maybe it is only because I really knew the answers! You know what I mean. I know my own confusion…it never existed at all the first year and a half of the relationship. It is the natural result of indetermination on the part of others…and of terrible things which happened. I am trying to blot out these things …but at times they bear down upon my consciousness to such an extent that I am powerless.

I feel the admonition “O Child put him in thy heart and try Him,” deeply…yet I resent it a little…if You can get what I mean. You see I am much in the position of the little girl who ran across the meadow with lovely flowers in her hand for her Mother…only to be met with a slap and “Throw away those awful weeds.”

Of course I go backwards…I know that. I thought it was His way to provide a home for someone even when I had a poor home of my own…and to give all I had of talent and effort and work for someone else. I though that His way. I thought that the way of love. So I find myself bewildered…when it works so badly. And you understand, don’t you, that I did not require materialistic returns…that my returns were desired in a kind of ethical value… I go back and review and I try to see what I did that was selfish and wrong…but even in the coldest analysis I see that much was done that was selfless. I believe so much in deeds as opposed to words. But here is a case where deeds and deeds and deeds didn’t work. I can only get comfort in the thought that as others were touched from time to time some good did come… I remember a man who had terrible terrible headaches for seven years who was healed.

This was why I asked about the karmic condition. I thought I might find reason there since I could not seem to find any in my own actual analysis.

Now I am not finished with trying. I know my own imperfections. I know my own wickedness of words when I am cornered. Again I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the reading…and for all you have tried to teach me. I want to learn better and to do better. I am plagued by the depth of my own feelings…I find that very few people feel as I do.

And I do not know whether it is stubbornness or what it is. But I don’t want to stop feeling. If I can’t suffer with a mother whose only child is near death…if I can’t feel hurt when little [1058] once more takes that burden that scourge upon her neck and face…if I can’t weep occasionally for a hurt young heart and broken life like [[1210]‘s daughter] …then I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT GOOD.

I see lots of them, Mr. Cayce, patting people on the back …and talking about universal love. I guess I’ve gotten tired of the word. It seems to mean so little without human love to express it. I’ve seen human love in one instance lately…little Mrs. [1530]…

Well love to you…and to Mrs. Cayce…and all and I shall repay you in sheckles shortly, I hope…but never enough.

R5. 8/4/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr.: Able to think a little more clearly today and do thank you so dearly for your notes.

Perhaps you will be surprised to know that the notes you have written consciously mean more to me just now than the reading itself.

It amazes me to hear you say this is as beautiful a reading as you have had. Isn’t it strange that I, who love beauty so much, should not feel that about it particularly. I would say my first life reading much more beautiful…or [1058]‘s which is really like a lyric, you know. Now perhaps I do not get the sense of beauty out of it that someone less involved would get…because to me it only represents pain. My whole situation is so painful that it is impossible to describe it. Also perhaps the challenge in it is too much for my poor tired heart to want to take on. I do not feel Godlike… I am acting much better…so much better as to appear to be quite a normal even a fine person…but inside I am tortured and can seem to come to no conclusion with it all. The best possible thing that could happen to me just now would be the kind of amnesia…loss of memory…which occurs occasionally.

Nevertheless I want to tell you that I am better. I am working… It is as if the surface of my mind was alert and working facilely…but just under the coating the pain is so bad that the slightest word that stirs me brings a kind of spasm. I almost burst into tears in a public lecture. So it is this blackness underneath which must be washed away. And I am praying for that…and working toward it.

It is best not to write more now. But I thank you for all you do and are.

Ever gratefully, [954]

R6. 8/6/38 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Thanks for yours of 4th-if am able to say or give you any word of help or cheer-all praise to HIM, for some times feel that I so sincerely appreciate your experiences just now-for the Good Lord knows have certainly had just that every bit of it am sure-and what a wrestle-what a wrestle had with myself must still have all the strains from same-from the way feel at times-Still the basic truth-the real answer is as suggested in the reading-Yes-for me it is the most beautiful reading have ever given. Possibly it is universal-hence loses its beauty for you who at this time wants the personal-needs the personal. But God-until we can be impersonal-what aches-and don’t I know.

Glad for you you feel better-know the ache-Gosh-guess we all just know our pain-out hurt-never was so severe before to any one-just as our loves so deep they never were fathomed before-and it is such an old story-old as the world-and the hills are young beside it-but new-so new, has never suspected any thing but bliss.

Keep on keeping on-as you give you have-

Love from all - ever the same - [signed] Edgar Cayce

R7. 8/9/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

Somehow your letter of the 6th helps so much. Yes, you are right…it is the personal I want and need…rather than the universal. Fortunately, you know my life is far from divorced from the personal or I should not be here. To all outward appearances my life is very full of the personal… I am well companioned. It is the inward disappointment and disillusionment which is so great…not the outer.

But I am very much better…and I want you to know that…and to know how much it has helped to have understanding. We must come to know that there are levels of understanding and that some are at one level and others at another…and that those at one level cannot get the one at the next until they have suffered or understood certain things.

You will be interested in my way of using the reading. Since it was hard for me and seemed to offer so little I am breaking it into small parts…taking those which I can use as I sense them. I have begun with the section about “What would Jesus do?“…and then the admonition to “put Him not to shame by speaking, thinking or acting unkindly to thy fellow man.”

I am really using this and doing pretty well with it. Even the thinking has improved in this direction. That ought to make you feel good. After all when you have a smart tongue and pen like I have it is natural to want to use it to whip out when you have been lashed.

Also one thing I have contended for so long…this business of fellowman… Most people, I find, seem to think your fellow man is out on the street or in a business office. I think the most important ones among fellow men are the ones you sleep and eat with every day.

Maybe there is a technique in this breaking down of any reading. I did that for the Doctor with his life reading reading…and used to give him one section every week or so…and I kept the same section and held the thoughts in it.

Good bye for now. I hope this finds you well. I am happy about what the Edmonds girls [Florence and Edith Edmonds] are doing in building up force during the reading times [thru A.R.E. Prayer Group]. This makes it more definite, and I hope to cooperate from here. I have often given the thought…but have not often kept a time like this.

Love to all… [954]

P.S. Am getting much help for which I am grateful from a young Hindu Teacher by the name of Sri Ranendra Das. Doctor and I are studying with him. Very highly developed boy…almost too fast and far for everyday crowds. Giving us a wonderful physical basis for all our work.

R8. 8/11/38 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Thanks for yours of the 9th-can I be of the least help in any way-am thankful-for that is my whole desire.

Glad you are feeling better, hope you will continue on the up and up until you find the Peace that passeth all understanding. Then and then alone have we conquered self-not that then disappointments won’t come, for they will so long as the world stands-for “He said-”must needs be that offenses come, but woe unto those by whom they come”-and His word faileth not-tho the worlds fail His words stand-as does His promises-

Thanks-am sure that is well-don’t know as had ever thought of it just like that-yet-know we realize-the Body-the mind- the soul-each have their attributes-that work and are worked upon-yet they are ONE, and when think of that am sure that is what the information was trying to tell us in the lesson Co-operation

Quite right-fellow man is the fellow we meet each day-as well as those we only touch in passing.

Glad to know you are finding help with Sri Ranendra Das, would like to hear more of his work.

All awry here-either this or that way-and am happy to know that it is the TRY that may be counted to us for righteousness

Love and best of every thing from us all - ever the same

Edgar Cayce

R9. 8/13/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

PERSONAL

… St. New York, N.Y.

Dear Teacher:

Just a personal note. An answer to just one sentence in your letter… “All awry…” I say a little prayer for harmony and new purpose and new peace…you…indeed all of you down there are so worthy of these beauties of life.

Take hope, too, in this: I have made a turning point toward Light…and shall work hard to hold it. This means too that I sense more and more that I may not back away from the [1210] situation. My heart is there, more deeply than ever in my life. I know my power there…and I am taking hold. Whatever I do for him is my salvation, too. I really have no other course. Any other course is really only slow or fast suicide. I am working hard for release and to get rid of whatever destructive possessive traits I have in this regard. But I will say and I still say that someone must stand still in this whirligig…and say…”Here am I always loving and always believing and always hoping” no matter how bad it all looks and no matter how bad we all act.

Many signs these days that the Big Boy will come through. This will surely affect your work and your arrangements. He has so much power. George is, in his way, very right…long ago he was urging me to “Take the bull by the horns.” Well I am doing it but in a little different way. He wanted things better…more nearly right for me, you see. Do you wonder that I love these [1210] children.

So I tell this to you…thinking it may show you some new hope, too.

Shortly you will take a reading on the group work…and then we shall know better.

And I look forward to Hugh Lynn’s coming to New York…if only we can keep him quiet enough. He gets into the whirl of it here…and gets a little too pressed. He keeps a fine hold on himself but sometimes tries to really do too much. I still wish we might have him in New York all winter…but presume he will want to go on to Duke after he leaves here. [GD’s note: At the time HLC was planning seriously on going back to college, to get his degree in psychology at Duke.]

Surely all will yet be well. And whether you found a larger organization or not, always remember that day by day you did your part…to lift and heal and help. O, one look at eyes like that little mother of the boy (the epileptic [561])… one look at hope like that…makes up for a whole month of suffering and criticism.

Love to you…

R10. 8/13/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

I so appreciate having your letter that I am hastening to jot an answer to it. How kind of you to say you would “like to know more of the work of Sri Das.” I know you well enough to know you mean it. To me, of course, the readings are tops. The thing that I find important in the Das (or rather the Self Realization Fellowship) is a METHOD. I have long felt…indeed it has been a life principle of mine…t hat the body is indeed the temple of the spirit and that every function of it takes on a kind of sublimity if it is rightly used…rightly understood. There is apparently enough of the Greek in me to give me this thought…I understand God better when I see a beautiful young body running along the sands… or dancing with the great classic swings which I learned in my own youth and loved so well. In its movements, when they are controlled, the body makes its music.

(Certainly that is essentially why in our “Christian” doctrines we so pity the cripple and want to help him.)

As I study the work of Sri Das I find his to be a kind of reform movement among the Hindus. This lovely boy lived for a year with Ghandi, for instance. His is no “just let it pass; we are only here for a little while on earth” stuff. His is the challenge to the will…as intense a challenge as I can imagine. For it bids us use, control, build and POSSESS our bodies through exercise every morning and every evening. The possession is that of the good tenant who does well with the landlord’s property!

The Fellowship is founded on the work on the Supreme Master Babaji. Sri Das tells us that Babaji came to the earth to retell the teachings of our own Jesus which had been lost and smothered in our own Christian doctrines. Yes, our own dear misunderstood Master who could laugh…and joke (as our Last Supper) shows.

Little is known of the work of Babaji in this country…but the Swameji Yogananda (head of the Fellowship) was Babaji’s disciple and is now at work on his words and works…to be published shortly.

These methods are said to be the ones which Jesus used for domination of his own body and mind and spirit. But Sri Das does not make any great dramatic point of these things. I have merely learned them because of a keen reporting instinct…picked them up from the lectures and from personal conversations with him here and there. I questioned him about Babaji.

The outstanding and important thing about his work is that he teaches LOVE…and that sounds like Jesus to me. He gave the most beautiful dissertation on spiritual marriage that I ever hope to hear, and it was so close to my own belief of what marriage is that I felt like I was listening to a phonograph record. He even spoke of the bitterness which one partner can feel when the other does not do the right thing…He did not disparage it. He pleaded for patience…but he also told a charming story of a snake who tried to practice love and patience and was almost killed. A sage talking to the snake told him “I told you to practice love and patience, but I did not tell you not to hiss!” I love that!

The exercise method is based on the beautiful idea that God is all around and all within… In the exercise you build will by drawing Pranic energy in through tension…and releasing it in relaxation. But you build and build…and get a residue in the system so that when troubles come you have a reservoir of spiritual strength (and physical too, by gum) to call on.

How much this thought of Pranic…of God energy has helped me. In my drinking water…in my food…in the air…in the sunshine…and to feel that I may by tensing a muscle draw a quantity of THAT energy into me. I who was never able to exercise before am definitely interested…in the meantime a very severe back injury has healed (in about a month). Usually with such an injury I planned for months and months of merely lying down as soon as I returned from work. YESTERDAY I went swimming!

I am willing to prophesy that you will know Sri Das…willing to prophesy that we have ALL know him before. I am only waiting for the happy moment when I can introduce this man and Hugh Lynn Cayce. And I am planning on something to help Hugh Lynn when he gets here…a point of contact with the public. More of that later.

I write this in such a way that you may read it to the family in case they are interested. I only wish I could take Mrs. Cayce by the hand and take her to classes with me. I have done this with [1522] and [1530] and [1058]…and all of them are delighted. Poor [1551] did not do so well…how she will make out I don’t know.

Love to every one of you… Ever [954]

P.S. Recall to Hugh Lynn that Miss Lauri Pratt edits the magazine for this group…of which I am sending you a copy.

R11. 8/16/38 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];- Thanks for both yours of 13th-happy to know that you are keeping on keeping on-that is the spirit, it is only the quitter that gets so badly hurt-He will work every thing out for you will you but hold on to Him.

Certainly would like to know more of the work of Sri Das. Have hear [heard] one of our members of the Beach group speak of the work of Babaji-but have had no opportunity to go in to the matter-and from the feel of the little have heard would like to know more.

When Mr. Eddy [Sherwood Eddy] was here he spoke at some length of his association with Ghandi-and what a glorious privilege to be even in his presence. So am sure for one who has studied with him and he has allowed to come forth to teach must be well-

Have heard it disputed that-and supposedly by one who should know as they have been in India for 35 years or had been when I met them in N.Y. fall before last-that Yogananda was not a pupil of Babaji’s. Any way what I wish to know-is more of the teaching of Babaji-for any one that has a message about The Christ-as manifest in Jesus-I wish to know more of it. Does your teacher have printed lessons or is it all Oral.

“Keep the face toward the Light and the shadows will fall behind” is one thing we all should be able to practice-daily -we can at least try-and it is the try that is counted for righteousness. Never any good thing we can or may do.

No-it is no and that you love each of them-for true love castest out fear-knows no evil-thinketh no evil-is kind-

H. L. hasn’t returned from camp as yet-will Sunday-do not know his plans as yet do not see how he will go to Duke this year however. But-possibly there is a way-but I know Oh so little.

Write often. Always happy to hear from you

Ever the same, Edgar Cayce

R12. 9/11/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

Sunday,

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

A Sunday morning…and I believe you will be interested to know that I have used my reading this morning (the last one) instead of going to church…or some lecture of inspiration which is my usual practice.

Perhaps the reactions will interest you. This time I have gotten all the way through the reading without bursting into tears and into recriminations…without saying “But what I did was good…it was constructive.” This time I have seen more clearly than before what the reading bids me to do in sacrifice. For that is all this reading is…a plea for a full sacrificial offering up. It has appeared to me that I have been sacrificed indeed upon the altar of an ego and a self-centered push ahead. Yet this morning it comes to me that the only real sacrifice is the one that is made consciousnessly…not through unfortunate circumstances or through the blind selfishness of another person.

A new fall is beginning. In New York this month decides where all its citizens will live for an entire year. For the third time I now face a year alone…when it would appear that I had won companionship. Yet this morning I am able to do that without too much weakness and rather to wonder what is next in my life. I feel like starting a book “I lived through THAT, too.” For really Mr. Cayce my life has been such a weird series of tragedies that its various chapters stretch out in an unbelievable series of Gethsemanes…of Calvaries.

Two years ago I had accepted those early tragedies as of my own making and I undertook to do so constructive a job in another circumstance that my own part in those early awfulnesses would be wiped out. But I see now that the disappointments which I brought to others in my own poor young ignorance are not wiped out easily…not even by the sacrifice of time and talent as well as love.

As I read over this beautiful reading you got for me (and God bless Gladys for her wonderful records)…I can only cry to myself that surely in justice even (if not in compassion) some good must come of such horrible suffering…and if not for myself surely for others. Probably it comes in the long haul and I may not see it. So THAT I must accept.

The reading has not been shoved aside. I have worked at it every single day since I got it. I want you to know and to believe that even if all of this had ended in its more natural way of suicide. How fortunate I have been in the hands that have stretched out toward me! When the words of the reading jumbled…a young teacher’s hands and compassionate heart reached out for me. And the growth of a stronger body and better nerves have made it possible to grow somewhat, too.

Now for one final note of hope. I have seen results already for this summer of sorrow. Last Monday night the small group which Sri Das left behind him came together for meditation.

It happened to be a holiday night with persons absent who would usually have taken a hand at arrangements. That left room for me…and so I set up a standard which included complete silence, flowers, and low lights. It was an entirely successful evening…other minds picking up the suggestions for organization which I had prayed over for days. Doctor [1210] was asked to take full charge and be the leader of the group! I prophesy much good out of this small beginning…nine of us! But nine gathered in silence and prayerful attitude for self development…and not for the expression of ego and foolish flattery. I felt that night that HE surely kept his promise to us…that we had gathered in His name even if His name was not mentioned. And that HE joined us there.

As I see it sometimes we merely set a person whom we acknowledge as gifted into a proper atmosphere…and he lives up to that atmosphere. I have seen this happen in jobs often…girls flowering in the midst of a lovely sunlit office who had formerly faded or flown into nasty tempers in a noisy and dark office.

So I have written about myself this morning. But I wanted to write because I want you to realize the influence you and the work you do…the work you sacrifice yourself to do… has on people like me…people who grope and suffer when they don’t appear to at all. I bless you…and hope God will ever surround you with the harmony and love and beauty which you have earned.

I shall write more about Hugh Lynn when I see him. I have been hoping to hear from him even as I write this…for I have a plan for tomorrow night. So when there is news you shall have it…

Love to Mrs. Cayce…to Gladys…to You.

R13. 10/10/38 and 10/12/38 See her ltr. and EC’s reply to it under 1705-1 Reports, referring to Miss [954]‘s visioning the condition of Mr. [1705] on whom the rdg. was being given that A.M., while she was meditating for EC during the time of the rdg.

R14. 10/17/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

Felt a remarkable and very real contact this morning at 10:30 to 10:45. Am jotting down my impressions although they were vague mental ones…first a tooth with long roots..then a entire set of teeth. Then a big calabash pipe…and a sense of jovial personality.

And ever since, darn it all, I’ve felt discouraged!

I discount the discouraged feeling though, for you know me of old! I am battling with it, though, and very grateful for the wonderful help I am having in overcoming so much that must be overcome. Although one can never tell, I seem to be getting more and more past the bitterest feelings… when they come now they are less actual. So we progress… but in moments like now I wonder why I bother.

R15. 10/17/38 P.S. In the previous instance of the jaw and ear [1705-1], I was closer than my letter stated. I have a little phobia with real difficulty at times of distinguishing my right from my left. So when I wrote you I must have said left. The sensation came into the RIGHT side…but more in the jaw than in the ear. The experience is very indicative to me of my ability to “pick up”…but gosh who wants to pick up a pain in the neck? I’ve already got plenty!

R16. 10/19/38 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Yours of 17th-thank you ever so much-and it is most interesting-the appointment for that morning however was not kept owing to circumstances over which the man has no control-it was for a check reading-but here is the most interesting part- this man, [1674], a big and mean big- Dr. [1210] would be most a small man beside him-came to me about two months ago-had been to every place most-as he is a Gov. man and due to have all the attention there of-well they had called it every thing and had taken all his teeth out-all perfectly sound-and that did not help- he was bent to almost half-but has straightened up and says he never felt better in his life but wants to shoot all the dentists for they of course put false teeth in-but he did not come that period-have a lot of interesting data there don’t you think?

No word from H. L. guess he is disappointed-but just hope he keeps on the straight and narrow.

Lovely here-hope every thing is fine with you

Love from all-ever the same Edgar Cayce

R17. 10/20/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

Well…judging from your letter of the 19th, these impressions which have filled my mind so often…and which now are beginning to be located in such instances…are pretty real things. The entire episode is amazing…or would be if all of us were not so close to miracles that we hardly recognize them when they happen. Even that discouragement sensation might have had a place for you say the man was unable to have the reading…he was certainly thinking of it at that time and was certainly not PLEASED that he missed out on the appointment.

I wonder if you would ask him [1674] whether he has any connection with a pipe…whether he smokes one or if he has anyone who smokes one. The pipe was of a calabash type… such as Mark Twain smoked, you remember. This one more point would be mighty interesting to me to have…in case you see him or are in correspondence with him.

Now you see why I asked about this psychic stuff of mine…in my last reading. What use is it? It almost gives me hope…having these things happen. Maybe it will develop to something practical. George […] said recently that it would…that it would be “of help to humanity.” I don’t want it unless it is. But now I begin to see a little. At times I get the great patterns of light such as I showed you I got for [[1210]‘s daughter] the night of her death…at times pages and pages of characters…often now of Chinese…most beautiful to behold. But I can’t read Chinese! Nor can I read Arabic script…which is what some looks like.

At times it is like a curse…the gift plus a too vivid imagination. Had an instance yesterday…could not get Doctor on the phone nor at his home and became annoyed as he had a class at night and I felt he should be preparing for it. I became conscious of the fact that he was on Long Island…whether this was analysis or what I do not know. Because of the circumstances I was distinctly annoyed about it anyway…and when I saw him this morning and questioned him I learned he had indeed gone for a drive most of the day on Long Island!

Enuf of psychics! No, I have no news of Hugh Lynn…but I do not jump to your discouragement thesis. I have the feeling rather that NOW he is really putting his shoulder to the wheel. I have heard nothing since last Saturday…but this is what happened. Met Doctor for lunch about twelve…and learned Hugh Lynn was at work in his apartment…did not go up because could hear the wonderful click, click of the typewriter. Doctor and I tiptoed out…went for long walk in the park to get some much needed air…returned to the apartment at nearly five…and still the click, click. I refused to disturb the boy…it was the finest evidence I could have of his getting his hands into the whole thing. We left again…and do not know just when he finished because we ate dinner with my Mother.

I am still hopeful for Hugh Lynn’s pulling this through. I am terrifically AWARE of divergent currents…but feel still that the chestnuts may be pulled from the fire…and feel further that NOW he is doing it. He has picked a most difficult situation, as the reading indicated, although the reading did not indicate one factor which I think hard on him. I pray over it…it may indeed be for the best. I do not mention any more of what I see to him than necessary. Let us continue to hold the good thought for the constructive outcome…and let us hold it until we have a NO…we hope for a YES. Hugh Lynn himself is ever fine…very fine…and I am convinced that his handling of any program would be WORTHY.

I am devoted to this boy…as to you…and to Mrs. Cayce… and Gladys…but you know that already…

Love…

R18. 12/13/38 Miss [954]‘s ltr. following EC’s lecture in NY:

“I suppose you guessed that the mtg. was long for me Tues. I was in a kind of agony to get away so did not see you again. Dr. [1210]‘s nervous entrances and exits had affected me so deeply that I felt unable to face people with him. But today I am working that out - and working it out as much physically as mentally. A series of physical examinations reveal a 23.1 deficiency in thyroid activity in my body. And a skillful physician is trying to recreate the balance of life through medicine. How subtly we try to escape from the burden of life! I notice that I always choose the secret ways - the ways nobody knows - and even few physicians can guess.”

R19. 1/10/39 I know you will be glad to hear that my health is improving…that some treatments I am having seem just the proper thing to bring me down closer to the earth where I belong. I am feeling so much encouraged…and so grateful for the good ones who come to us as physicians, as healers, as bringers of good tidings…like you.

R20. 1/10/39 She wrote saying Dr. [1210] was referring Mrs. [1837] for a Life Rdg.

R21. 1/22/39 (Sunday) Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

I am thinking of you so much tonight…that I am pausing in some work and letting you know. I managed to write to Florence Edmonds…but not to you after hearing of Edith’s death. The lovely…lovely quiet soul. You will all miss her…but Florence will miss her most of all. The hard, hard days come after all the excitement of the funeral is over …that’s when we need all the love that can be mustered around us…all the tender loving understanding. I know you and Mrs. Cayce will exert yourselves to give her that.

Strange that the cooperation could not be gotten to help her as she might have been helped. But I am not quite so rebellious as I used to be about these things. How can we know? Maybe it is just because Florence has to learn to take her way all alone…maybe she loved the sister too much. We cannot tell. Maybe through this separation new understanding will be added even to that tremendous understanding she already has.

Out of my own experience I can admit at times, that […] [Dr. [1210]‘s daughter’s] death has brought me greater understanding. At times I must admit that I actually can see why the death had to be. If I color it with a sacrificial strain…I do not think I am far wrong. She still expresses the feeling and the love of which I told you through her little box. She makes her presence felt to her Father often…but not so much as to me. She told me though…in a direct voice seance…when I asked her what she was doing so much of the time…she said…”I am taking care of Father.” And almost any question you ask about the house she knows. She knew for instance about my getting Chinese jars for her ashes and told her Father…”Yes…I like them…they were placed there with love.”

Because of my theory that the psychic power in its various forms is reached through the glands I am much interested in any changes my present treatments may bring about. A very great doctor [Muller?] is treating me…and as I wrote I am so much helped that I can hardly stop thanking my heavenly Father for remembering me. If I must go on…and I am willing now to go…I want to live efficiently…and helpfully. I appreciate increased strength so much.

My point is that this doctor is finding glandular derangements in so many. At any rate they are called glandular derangements. But it occurs to me that they may not REALLY be that. They may be a different form of glandular development…which would be highly useful in a quieter type of civilization. I am wondering about it any way.

In me he found a minus 23 thyroid activity…in Dr. last Spring he found a minus 17… [1637] is very low (and he was highly mediumistic and probably still is for he can move tables…and what not. My contention of the moment is “perhaps this is not a true deficiency…but is merely a deficiency in comparison with our norm which is set up for a mechanized civilization…”

O…it’s lots of fun. Did YOU ever have them take a basal metabolism test? What did they find? I’ll put you in my guinea pig list.

You can see that this theory might tie up with the Kundalini power of the Easterners. You hear a great deal, you know, about the Easterners being able to do so much…and being in such fine physical condition. But you will not find ANY ONE of them living in the noise of our civilization and banging a typewriter all day long. You will find them nicely retreated…even if only in a apartment where they are not disturbed for hours…on end.

Well…I must stop. Just remember always what you have meant to so many of us. I am getting out of my woods. As you said “your face is more peaceful”…yes… I had so much to live through before I could even get my hands on the fringes of peace. But it was you who opened the door to that peace… I thank you over and over again for it. It was just that you were yourself…as I once told Mrs. Cayce…“it is good to know there is someone alive like Mr. Cayce.”

Values…values…God give us a true knowledge of them.

I have little news of the radio. I presume you hear it there at home. I have felt strongly that a publicity pull should be exerted in it. Otherwise I do not see how it can hope to continue beyond its allotted 13 weeks. But I cannot reach Hugh Lynn at present. However, I recognize that all this experience is excellent for him…that it is just what he needed. Just you pray…and I will pray, too…that he may reach that INNER CLARIFICATION which sets every idea into orderly line of march…which asks NOT because it already KNOWS.

How well we who have struggled out in the world know the confusions of the world…its disappointments…its disillusions. But it seems that only by passing through them ALL can we assume our full stature as matured human beings.

Dear love to you…to Mrs. Cayce…to Gladys…

Ever, [954]

R22. 2/20/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

Thinking of you so much as I walked home in the beautiful evening twilight…even New York cannot hurt the glory of the sky…New York with its tenements and its many sad faced children and drunken wrecks of men. I live downtown, you know, and can seldom escape the sadness of what I see…but tonight the sky was so alluring it was hard to remember man’s lowness.

I suppose I was thinking of you because I knew how well you would understand me if you were near and if I could tell you of what is so deeply on my mind and my heart. As ever it is the Doctor…as you know. The “peace” which you found in my face has steadied me during the winter. I can “take” so much that I never could “take” before. Horrible slights and little hidden decisions from him (and how those things ALWAYS come to light when you aren’t seeking them out at all)…I now can take. Just this week saw the uncovering of something which would have thrown me into the sewer of despair last year. In two days I have managed (this year) to analyze and to dismiss it.

The old battle with the ego and with the easily moved and flattered senses goes on. I ache for him. I pray and I try to speak and show subtly what is going on. But of late I’ve had it forced upon me that mine is a losing fight. Shall we possibly win it this time? Can he possibly face himself this time?

The way to self knowledge is so very dark and so very rocky that I had hoped (I’m afraid) that he might avoid it… I had hoped that somehow the miracle of individuation of the personality could be achieved without his going through the valley of death. But within the past two weeks or so I’ve felt it could not be the easy way. It will have to be the hard one. Finally I talked to him, quietly…almost unbelievably in control…and asked him if he would write a little about himself each day…if he would face his relationship with various people…and dig out those things which are holding us back.

For although the promises of the year were very great indeed …things are at low ebb indeed now. I am not worried. It is merely that I see the road too plainly and I know just what is barring our way. Those things which are in me I struggle with…but those things which are within him he dares not to look at.

Of late it has come to me so very clearly that he must dig…and dig. Last night I was awakened at four o’clock. Those who love him are anxious…very anxious…George and […]. Of late it is almost as if George has given up the struggle entirely…I do not sense his presence.

But […], [[1210]‘s daughter], woman that she is…seeks me out continually…imploring… I get a sense of pressure of urgency in her contacts. Heavens, what their relationships must have been through the ages!

You see I am trying to be very honest now…my concern is not a personal one. I know just where I stand in all this queer jig saw puzzle. My concern is that unless he reaches the clarification…and reaches it soon…he is ruined…and he has such potentials for doing fine work in this world.

Isn’t it a queer thing how a person is able to throw so much concern toward another personality? I have tried hard of course to get over certain kinds of concern, but I’m not so very successful. The only true success I have had is that I am more detached…caring terrifically of course…but detached…able to remind myself “This is the job…and through briars and desert HE is still with you…”

Did I tell you of last year when I was so very ill over all of it that one night when I felt that the last rack of fatigue and indignity had been meted out to me…that I felt a voice saying (Not really hearing it…but feeling it)… “I will in no wise desert thee.” I heard it often again after that night of heartbreak…and it always said the words in just exactly the same way… “I will in no wise desert thee.”

How grateful I am for improved physical strength! I bless the wonderful Dr. Muller and all his brethren who try so hard to relieve the ills of man. I no longer see the great patterns of light…and seldom see even symbols as I did continuously last summer. But I do not mind. I am glad to give those things up if I can live more efficiently and do the job that is here with better grace. Do you know that grace and kindness are much easier if the body is somewhat quiet and has more energy? Do you remember how in last summer’s reading my message was the hope for “peace of body, peace of mind, peace of soul.” It is coming…much of it is here…

This is a too long letter…but I must tell you of a book which Miss [1608] loaned me and which I have greatly enjoyed. It is called “The Winged Pharaoh” by Joan Grant. I think in its fiction form it has given me as fine an idea of your work and how it is accomplished (through what training you must have gone at one time) as any piece of writing I have seen. It tells of a young woman who trains as a psychic in ancient Egypt…ten years. The methods are so beautifully simple and understandable, and how touched one is to learn that each psychic has her own teacher…the loving care and the time which goes into this training. Unlike you, they were not in those wiser days, thrown out upon the world to find their way.

She prays that she may ALWAYS return to the world to bring the light. And that is like you. Another interesting thing is that messages were sent in code…for instance a stone pillar might be the name of the city and a sheaf of wheat might tell how big the harvest was thereabouts. Symbols were used for these mental messages…made me think of my own ability. But of course one must learn to read these things.

R23. 2/22/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

I think you will like this one:

After the kind of victorious evening which probably comes but once in a lifetime…during which I was able to move entirely undisturbed among a group of people who have, through their actions, become as poison to me…I was so joyful I could not sleep. Yet I enjoyed my wakefulness…which was not full wakefulness… Remembering my last reading I asked that the force of joy I felt be transmuted into the reservoir of joy so that, since I had more than I needed, some one else could dip into it…someone in need of hope, of faith…someone as low as I had been once. Remembering again the reading I asked that Jesus help do this…although it is foreign to me to ask him to do anything for me. Seems rather silly in fact.

I lay then on my left side…flooded with light and joy…but not sleeping. Then I was moving through a landscape…or rather I was above it and it was moving under me…just exactly, as I think of it now, as if you were moving a big landscape under you from left to right…rapid. Colorless like desert make-believe country…great rocky formations but no trees… At times it was vaporously thin and I could sense other things back of it.

This went on for a long time in as weird a combination of formations and sweeps of flat country…as you could imagine.

Suddenly the landscape seemed to stop. And on it walking toward me…but at a very great distance came a company of little figures. But they were not walking! They were caught as still as a painting…but heavens what an alive painting! Think of this chalklike, weird landscape…and then see these colorful figures.

They are very tiny…not more than six inches in height because they are so far away. But they are real people…all men…a company of men. Their clothing is the most beautiful because of the rich colors…colors such as you see in old Titians, in the early Italian masters (renaissance). There was much brown…some blues in the garments. Some men wore turbans like around their heads. I recall a strong stubborn countence [countenance] near the front with a full beard (iron grey).

I felt this to be the company of the Master. I was so awed and I kept saying a prayer of thanks for the beauty and the wonder of it…very conscious, you see.

Than I could not quite tell whether I manufactured it or not. But my strong impression is of a figure in white in the midst of them with a turban with a drop under it against the sun over his head…and a green hand holding it. Could not see the face.

I managed to hold the depth of consciousness (or the height) so very well. Then just as it had come the landscape started turning back toward my left…taking this scene away from me…you see.

It was exactly as if you rolled a film first from left to right…stopped it for a full minute and got a still…then rolled it back.

…Today is Thursday…the 23rd. It is two days later now yet that scene remains like a brilliant cameo in my memory.

When you have an opportunity to write I should especially like to know whether you regard the experience as authentic. I should like to know whether this feeling of a “scroll unrolling and then rolling back” is typical. Although most of your experiences are said to be in deep unconsciousness… I have sometimes wondered since I have had a few of your own. If you think it would be possible to get a kind of “click off”…as you do in meditation…and then see a thing like this…yet be absolutely conscious but not active in the physical mind…I’d like to know.

Dear love to you. God is good to us. I feel so especially blessed. After this experience I had a second knock…yet I know that this sort of crucifying experience which life has brought me is working out to make me a much better person. Pray for me. And pray for those I love. You understand.

Dear love to Mrs. Cayce… [954]

By the way…some of these experiences almost seem to point to a literal explanation of a bit I got in a reading once…during the group at Virginia Beach… “For He would walk…he would talk with thee.”

Later I asked for an explanation. I did not get a literal one. But this kind of experience almost makes me believe it might be literal. And by HE…I like to think of those great and beautiful ones wherever and whenever they came. Yet Jesus seems more familiar…closer to the heart than any.

The great giant rock formations are the type worn away by water I would think because they have the horizontal ridges. They are worn thin like fingers against the sky. The company of travellers came along what might have been a rough road at the bottom of a declivity…these rocks in their background. I would think the company of men to be fourteen or eighteen …but fourteen sticks closer in mind although that may be due to a conversation suggestion from a talk I heard.

Another interesting point is that this evening I had dinner with [1637] for the first time in a long time. Of course you recall [1637]‘s reading showed an experience in the desert with Andrew after Jesus’ death. Now [1637] is highly mediumistic. Records of his readings are poetically beautiful. Most beautiful. He has never appreciated them, I am sure. Notice in this crude drawing [See Source File Key #954 for hand drawing of rock formation and landscape in 2/22/39 ltr. re 954-5] how I tried to give the proportions of the landscape to this tiny company. Yet I assure you every detail was so perfect.

However my ability to register quickly is just being trained. I thought I was a good reporter…but I am using extreme care in stating any facts on this kind of thing. YOU understand…

R24. 2/24/39 EC’s ltr to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Good to hear from you again, and feel very much lifted up, when there is such an optimistic note in your letters. Life its self seems very cruel often when we look at it as a personal thing-or become possessive in our desires for same, but the more we can become selfless, and see it as a whole- and not one little phase of it greater is the vision-and more peace there comes-have had some very awakening experiences lately-two of my Aunts-very close friends of my Mother have very recently gone over. Each of them have been great sufferers in a sense, and have for years relied on the information a great deal regards their health, one of them especially-much like my own parents-knew little else for 25 years or more, the children and grandchildren that have grown up about them have only realized how much they relied on the suggestions recently-and when it came they were needed THERE- they just gave up and crossed over-what it has meant and does mean to try and give surety and confidence to these that mourn their loss, well has taken-what-don’t know that there is any word for it for being away from them has all had to be done by this method of hunt and punch on the typewriter-but the response has been an experience will never forget. So you see am in a position to doubly understand you-the living- as we call it as well as the real. May God bless you and keep you-Just as sweet as you are-and as you can be-and all the good that you are doing for HIS cause.

Yes-Oh yes-the battle will constantly rage-so long as we are in the flesh-and hold to same-but when we lose the feel of importance of the flesh-matters change-and then we may spiritualize our efforts and they become real-live-beautiful- and the yoke becomes easy and the burden light-just as he has promised it would.

All of us have to dig and dig-and the battle rages continuously-with in-as well as about us.

The assurances-we have from over there-are a great strength and just so long as we do not become demanding from them-or is my experience-greater can be and is the assurance from there-

Ar-Ah-AAAAR that is the great thing-”I will in no wise desert thee” that can be the greatest strength of all. And is.

Thank you-yea much better, am not free-do not know as wish to be so long as there is work to be done, just the strength that is in HIM, is all I ask. But as wrote some one some days ago it seemed the order of things had been reversed- I seemed to be the only one in the house that wasn’t complaining of feeling bad. Am very well thank you.

Thank you more than you know for writing me as you do-assure you your letter help a lot more than you will ever know- Did you ever stop to think how much one changes the entire face of the thinking world at times by just a word-oft we are influenced by those we think the least of even, were we asked to put it into words. And then those we love changes things continually-

How fine that your groups are doing so finely-that is the way the message gets over.

Yes- have seen the “The Winged Pharaoh” and have you seen the other books by the same Author-a Mr. [1646] of Philadelphia sent them to me to read-he had the idea that was the way I worked-and he too was checking by them on some things that were told an associate of his in his life reading. He is a Quaker.

Have been most interested in getting some response from the [1809] reading-so unusual-have wondered much-but nary a word except from Miss [1522]. Just hope it is for a help some where.

Love from all

R25. 3/20/39 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Aren’t you just the nice one-thank you is all that I can say, all the many nice things said about me by those who wrote sent cards and money makes me feel just like I want to hug you and then have a good cry. It was very lovely of you Miss [954] to do this. And there is nothing that I can say that would in any way convey to you just how it all makes me feel. Am sure you wish to know the amount of money-tho I never like to think of it in money-yet have to if am to have the Vault- there was 238.20 that came in from your cards, there was 26.00 from the party the Norfolk group held here Friday night. Feel mighty little and very humble. And just hope and pray may be worthy of the love and confidence all these good people are placing in me, please pray for me that I may remain faithful to the trust that is place in me.

My heart is too full to try and write more now, know that I appreciate the love and care that prompted you to do this for me.

Thank you and May God bless every thing that you do.

With love from each one here.

Sincerely Edgar Cayce

R26. 4/12/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

I cannot resist dropping you a short note. Doctor [1210] has just left and keeps repeating to me that the radio appliance is making a change in the eye. The full story is that he suffered another hemorrhage in the eye…and the increased shadow has been one of terrific irritation to him. Now it vanished for a while…the eye went entirely dead…(about two days). He could not see from it at all.

I happen to believe that this is another warning to him…and that if he will truly turn to God and give HIM full sway the sight can be restored. I try not to preach about it…but I DO believe that…but know Doctor’s faith is what is needed to do it.

Imagine therefore my wonder to see today that he is getting part of the sight, after using the battery only four times! Today it was actually irritating him…you can imagine how bad it is “now I see you…now I don’t.” It would irritate anyone…particularly a person who relies on physical prowess as much as Doctor has.

I am only writing you this…because these things are so soon forgotten. And because I think it is good for you to know that something you have brought into reality in the world …out of the great unmanifested mass of energy…is doing good.

As an emotional sidelight which I can only give to YOU…of all people…this will bring a little smile to you…and I hope it is a smile of forgiveness to me. [1522] was the instrument through whom the battery was brought. Of late her intimacy with the Doctor has been a decided thorn in my side. Her desire to express herself to him has become such a nuisance that I spoke to her about calling him at certain hours…when I am resting him and trying to restore a little of the very low life force.

She keeps the agreement to the exact minute…I asked her not to call between four and six…so she telephones at FIVE minutes AFTER SIX!

I tell you I have literally ground my teeth over it. Her thought is never what HE is doing…whether HE is resting …but only that she may express HERSELF to this much sought…and much admired male.

There are times when I get sick and tired of KARMA…I can tell you.

And believe me I especially get sick and tired of people spending their days TALKING about it…instead of DOING something about it.

Well…back to the battery. [1522] gave him the battery …just so he could give it to a patient. In the kind of unconscious inspiration which he gets when half awake he got the idea of using it. Of course I fostered that idea…and have carried the ice in…prepared the battery…and done all that.

But do you suppose THAT is mentioned. No indeed.

But the fact that [1522] brought that battery IS mentioned …the battery that would never be used if I did not prepare it.

So slap me, will you? Or laugh at me…or something? How much we all need a little appreciation, don’t we? We work away from it…we say we are going to do without it. But the thoughtlessness of those who are nearest pricks the hardest. This is such a minor thing…just one of the little emotions of the moment. But I felt you’d kind of like to hear that I do try to meet these things…without raising a row about them.

And if I had not met you I would never have tried. If I had been thrown into this situation without having seen and evaluated YOU and your way of life…I would have torn three or four lives completely apart in these wretched times of humiliation, disregard, and all the rest of the unspeakable things that have been visited on me in the past few years.

As it is…having seen and known you…and having been turned through you to seek other teachers and quieter ways…I KNOW that all that I do is best…and that only in this quiet… this unceasing watchfulness of myself can I win into the Peace you once prayed for me. Slowly I am winning into it…and I begin to see that I shall surely reach it…and I believe I shall have it this time.

My own powers of analysis are being of great help to me. (I am learning what really remarkable analysis ability I have.) I am learning to differentiate in another personality between the thing that panders to the ego and pleases him for the moment…and the thing that is so rich and so deep and so compelling that he has no way of expressing even his need for it.

So we live…and learn…

Dear love to every one of you… [954]

R27. 4/21/39 She wired for emergency rdg. for the Dr. - See 1210-5 and subsequent Reports.

R28. 5/17/39 HLC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954]:

I wish that I could talk with you rather than write this letter. Hours and days move swiftly and we find ourselves suddenly on an unknown path. Familiar scenes and faces pass unrecognized. We are caught for a moment in eternal minute of change.

With Gibran we must say, “And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?”

He is at work, I am sure. Such understanding, such patience, such sympathy, will not rest, and there must be much work to be done there.

All of this realization does not remove from our shoulders the job which is before us. Having worked and known Dr. [1210] encourages me to go forward, hopeful that I, when the time is here, will be as ready, as prepared as he to pass on.

Courage, lady. Death is an illusion which does not destroy love, nor the power to help, nor faith, nor understanding. For us who have glimpsed some little light through the veil it must be only the beginning of a greater work built on the foundation of this life well filled with service.

I hope you will come to the Congress. He will be here I know, and perhaps you will find a moment of quiet and relaxation to gather up the threads of life that must be further unwound.

God bless you. [signed] Hugh Lynn

R29. 6/7/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

I want you to have my new address…

No. …, New York, N.Y.

[1058] and I are looking forward to Saturday’s date… provided you are able to make it. I am planning to go to her room with her and to meditate with her during the afternoon period. It is a nice time for her as she works so hard during all the rest of the week.

We were, of course, impatient. But it works out quite well this way. We both wonder so much about which way lies forward. It is still impossible for me to really understand that the Doctor is dead and that I must find a new way of life without him in it.

We spoke with Doctor on Monday night…had a medium and a lovely little group here. When [1058] asked him about the Saturday event he misunderstood and said “it would be fun” for he seemed to think she was going to Virginia Beach. “I’m going down to see Cayce myself,” he added.

He seems anxious…and expresses himself as being so. But much of such things may be reflections. I simply cannot know. Reports still come from everywhere of his efforts to express…of his close earth contacts.

The excitement is dying down now…and I find myself so tired…and so lonely. It just seems so unnecessary. Yet it must be met. I, of course, am the one who feels it all most for we were constantly together and so deeply attached in spite of all our difficulties…or maybe because of them. I keep wondering about last year’s reading. I tried in many many ways to follow it. Perhaps this was as far as the path was to extend. I always wonder if I failed with all my trying.

Soon, I think, I shall arrange for a reading for myself…but I am wanting first to see how we shall succeed with [1058]‘s questions.

Dear love to you…just enter our reading casually. We know it will turn out well. [954]

R30. 6/12/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to GD:

Gladys dear:

[1058] and I want you to know how very much we appreciated your getting our reading [1058-5] out to us in such good time. We were surprised to get it today…and it is quite a bit of extra comfort to us to have it today. We know it meant you working either Saturday night or Sunday, dear. We appreciate it…so much.

You can imagine a little of what I am living through. It seems just now as though I am just beginning to get the import of what has happened. Heavens…Gladys…how we rehearse our words and our acts in such a situation…and how we wish we might have been different…different…somehow. If only I could have been more perfect…no matter what was said or done by others. Yet sometimes I think that I hardly counted and that what I did at the last hardly counted. I never in my life saw anything that looked so like a karmic clutch reaching down for a person as in these strange happenings that surrounded his death.

And now whither? I hope God has a way that is better for me. I try to believe so. But it’s a mighty hard one now.

Thank you, dear…again. I know you are working hard. But I’m sure you think of me…for your loving heart has room for all of us… [954]

R31. 6/14/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

Just a further comment on the reading 1058-5 of Saturday which I now have in my hands…means so much more when you can hold it and cogitate over it. How amazingly clear it is. How it catches the intention of the thinker even when a question is badly phrased. I am still moved by the miracle of it.

It is odd to me how very hard it is on the Doctor…in several instances which were in our minds and which could not even register from the way the questions were phrased. Here, it seems, is the law at work…a kind of righteousness. That is particularly interesting because YOUR own CONSCIOUS mind is ever pitying and ever merciful. I was so touched when [1058] said: “Well…even if he was weak we can still love him.”

I guess if you were really strong you’d have no use for love…would you?

My own experiences of Saturday were interesting. They were entirely symbolic…and I shall write them out a little later, perhaps.

The important thing to my mind is the fact that the Doctor was in and out with us. Twice during the reading sharp, loud knocks came on the ceiling. It is this thing which concerns me very much. The tie is quite unbroken. When he speaks with friends who are almost strangers he sends such messages as “I love her…and I HOPE she loves me…” The despair and the doubt are so strong that I would feel myself doubly a deserter if I did not hold fast for a while to come. Perhaps it was this sense of the incomplete life…the unlived life …which was represented by one symbol which came to me during the time of meditation during the reading. It was a circle with a large slice taken out of it…like this: [See Source File Key #954 for drawing mentioned above re 954-5.] Only it was a perfect circle, you know. Excuse the bad drawing.

But I do not want to interpret too strongly from my own thought. However, all information that comes to me points to the unfinished life…a life for which he “had not the courage to fight…” as one stranger medium reported to a friend.

As to Saturday, you see, he had told me on Monday (the only time I have talked with him by arrangement and with a free heart)…that he would be there… Without any prompting he had said “I’m going to see Cayce myself. I’ll be there.” Your name had definitely NOT been mentioned until he spoke it.

But you see he went to you Saturday…and could not remain even for the period of the reading. The tie here was still too strong. I was most careful not to think of him, not to draw him. I used straight meditation tactics…for it was important that nothing should color the reading for [1058]‘s sake. The reading was clear enough. And may be he could not stand the hurt of part of it…knowing he had failed.

This gives you, I think, a little knowledge of the problem which his death gives me…something more than a mere lone- liness, you see. As time goes on, I find myself thinking even more of his situation than of my own loneliness. I am not anxious to join him but rather to build up my own strength to help him. So tonight a little group of us who can love him are gathering to meditate for him. There were several others who saw this picture as it truly was…the great potentials of the man, and the unrealized hopes.

Perhaps you will enjoy knowing that the reading is prompting me to seek out Lancaster, Pa. for a vacation…since there we are told are the Friends…and since there, too, is God’s green and healing beauty of fields and hills.

Love to you…and deep thanks…and to Mrs. Cayce and Gladys and H. L.

Ever… [954]

R32. 7/5/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

Cannot start work without just a tiny note to you. The information gave [1058] and me one of the most exciting and inspiring vacations we could ever imagine. No one could have sold me on the fact that without my Big Boy [1210] I’d ever have as much fun. The trek you set us on took us into the most wonderful country…and among the loveliest people I’ve met in many a moon. We have yet, however, to actually locate Quakers.

One extremely odd experience was this though: At Camp Silver Belle went to the materializing medium, Miss Post. Saw my beautiful […] [[1210]’ daughter] wearing a lovely blue jewel in her forehead…a little oblong it was. And then I learned that Miss Post had been born and reared in a Quaker family. It was such an odd tie-up that I have a kind of hunch something even more important may grow out of it.

Will really answer this letter of yours another time. Also I want to write to Tom Sugrue]. I ache for Tom since he has been so ill although I never cared for him when he was well. He will be better, dear Mr. Cayce, while he is near you. I am convinced that when you give the physical readings, for instance, that you contact latent healing force. Also you carry healing force with you always, and if Tom will study this a little and accept it he will definitely arrive at a cure.

If my Big Boy [1210] had opened the way to spiritual healing he would have been healed. I am truly convinced that is the basis of ALL healing…and I feel that God makes his tests especially on those who have had some of the light. He gives them a physical condition and questions them yet again “Do you truly believe on Me?”

Will write again later…

Best of love to Mrs. Cayce and Gladys. Tell Mrs. Cayce I really believe Tom can get well in her atmosphere but that she must be especially careful of herself (taking small rest periods and treatments) just now. No one has ever really studied the process of healing. Much of the force undoubtedly comes from those around the patient…and that it is a force none of us can longer doubt.

Ever yours in grateful love… [954]

P.S. Having extreme difficulty with motives involved in certain new ideas and undertakings. Remember me in your prayers. Bad situation with the [1637] boy [[1210]‘s son]…quite devilish…and I’ve so much of that in me that I get a little frightened. My real effort must continuously be not to be embittered by this awful circle of events. I especially feel just now that my one hope is to reach Jesus and his ideas…yet I still cannot concede that mere softness in the face of real evil is of Him. It is hard to know the best…

R33. 7/21/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

You have been so much on my mind for several days, that I want to write you just a little note before starting my work for the day. I took the liberty of writing Tom some thoughts that had been in my head…lo this long while. I hope it did no harm. Yet it was one of those compulsions which I some- times get…compulsions which serve some ultimate good, I find…in watching them over a long period.

I hope you are feeling well and at peace. I do not know just why I should think you are feeling otherwise. It is certainly not a reflection of my own humor, for I am definitely on the improve now. Since Monday of this week I have felt a new urge to work, a new ability to work, and a quieter, better feeling toward my entire situation and loss.

I acknowledge to myself many odd tangles which probably never exist in ordinary separations…yet I am better.

I have made in the past week two terrific steps for living …purchased a dress and a pair of shoes…the first in over a year. What a struggle we had…as I look back… unbelievable. I try so hard not to judge [1210] the Big Boy…yet more and more I see that what would not be strong had to be wiped away. Lord, what I would not have given to have seen a full strength come there…to have seen him live and ripen into integration. A mind like mine goes following after him…inquiring whether he learned this…or whether he now can analyze. You know, Mr. Cayce, I do not get the impres sion that the analytical ability grows after death. Maybe I’m wrong. Seems to me, though, that it’s a quality we get here on the earth. That’s why we are put through so much in pain. So we can evaluate…so we can analyze.

Well I do not ask to know the mysteries. I ask now only the opportunity to contribute something out of all this suffering to His children. For surely they wander comfortless in a cold mad world…a world of their own making. It seems there must be a place for such talent as I have grown out of such things as I have suffered. That is my prayer…to find the way to use it…to lift and to help. I sense that it is coming, too.

Love to you…good health…all things which you have so well earned. I hope that Mrs. Cayce and Gladys and all the household are well.

R34. 7/31/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

I feel you will be happy to know that our Quaker search has gone on and has lead me and [1058] to Quakers here in town. What fine, fine people. I cannot get over wondering at the smallness of numbers…at the dwindling of the sect. Once again it show how very few people will accept responsibility for themselves…for their lives. I would have thought that with such precepts as these people show…all America might have been Quaker long since. Instead a mere handful keeps one “meeting” going now in New York…city of the teaming, restless despairing millions.

R35. 8/28/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr.: You would be considerably pleased to see my better physical and mental grip. It began about the 15th of August. The weakness seems to have passed. I have opened the way to other work and it is coming. I am turning to an entirely literal type of endeavor. The only concern I have about the new vibration which I seem to be in is that I feel a bitterness toward [1210] such as I would never have believed possible. I lived through so much that was disaster with him, you know, things that meant nothing to ordinary people…but meant so much to me. I find these things have an ugly way of cropping out…pushing aside the good he did. As far as I personally am concerned so much of that “good” was lost in a maze of possible good intentions that it is hard to keep a balance of memory.

For instance I find myself resenting the many “communications” which he seems to indulge in. He would not take hold of the body and stay here…but he sticks around giving the vague, unsatisfactory messages which mediums present. To what good? If the idea is to “preach the continuity of life” what good is it to preach it to those who already believe? It is the sceptics who need to be won. So I rave to him and to myself at times. But not too often.

I am able to see the entire pattern as from a great distance. And I recognize that there was reason of a sort in this awful thing happening to me. Probably there was much reason in the past…where I cannot consciously stretch. I know well my own whipping temper and what it must have done in distant pasts. Well…God help us everyone…to overcome.

Had a precious letter from Mrs. [264]. There is much of sweetness in that little soul. How long she has dragged that awful weight of a body with her! So in all the pain do we learn and learn and learn. We hope we can use the knowledge somehow…at some point. There must be a place appointed for that, too.

Love to you…to Mrs. Cayce…to Gladys.

O yes…do write Mrs. [689] … St., N.W., Washington, D.C. when you can. Seems she did not get a notice of the Congress…and felt badly about it.

Hope all is well with you…

Ever gratefully for your living example… [954]

R36. 9/7/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

My own inner battle goes on and on. I think that reading you gave in which the statement is “Make thy paths straight” means more to me than it ever did. I find just now that the old bitterness which whipped out of me to right and left before I met you is very active. It was softened and even at times eliminated while I had the Big Boy around. Perhaps I only turned in on him. But I know I was conscious of trying always to control it…and there seemed to be some reason to control it for his sake much of the time. NOW the controlling of this “imp” has no point to it and so is more difficult. Before, controlling it made him happy for moments at a time…and I was immediately repaid for the effort.

Lord, I look at the quiet people…born apparently without such a whip in them…and I wonder at them. But in reality most of them are pretty dull…knowing the heights no more than they know the depths. But as I try to manage it I sometimes get a feeling of madness in me. I am willing to admit that I earned all the horrors that have come to me. Some causes I can even trace. But gosh it doesn’t seem quite fair that one person should bring into the world so many difficulties to meet. There ought to be a little resting spot some place along the road. I suppose it is the old story of day to day…working it out.

Occasionally I even find myself wavering in the will to live. That bothers me because it is far from being in line with what I KNOW I must do if I am ever to meet these things in the future. You know if there is anything to this reincarnation stuff of ours there is a lot of unfinished business waiting for me another time. And it will be particularly hard because those I will eventually have to deal with never came to a rounding process meeting facts face to face. My only hope IS that by living it out here and now…by “straightening those paths” I can get to a point of control which will match my point of understanding.

I suspect also just now that I am feeling what many must feel unconsciously…the sorrow of those nearer the war. You must watch out for that feeling, too. I am sure the waves of suffering come out and hit us. When I feel it I am most apt to whip at the world. That’s bad…not constructive. But in analysis…that’s what I see I tend to do. I want to get rid of all the injustice and the greed. But actually I have no program for following through.

Love to you. I appreciate so much what you write me. It means more to me than anything else because I sense that what you say is not just mealy mouthed preaching…that you believe it and try to live by it yourself. Thank you for all the time you give to it.

R37. 9/11/39 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954]-

Just hope I do not become to great a drain on some of you good people who are sensitive to my needs so well-thank you for yours of the 7th-am sure you felt that I needed some boosting up so you wrote-thank you. And have I needed it for last ten days or so. Some better I hope but you know what a bad summer cold does to we poor old shaky bones.

Yes-so many have written me lately to assure me that I have been the means of help here and there-that I take heart even in the pain have, and know it is for something and that some time some where will understand.

Tom Sugrue] is doing very nicely-slowly-very slowly but am sure he is coming back. The battle with self-for each of us goes on and on, and seems while we are in the flesh is never over-even for HIM self was not fully conquered until the very end when He said “Not My Will, but Thine Oh Father.”

All have their turmoil within-some can and do keep it hidden more than others. Many take it out in some manner of releasing through habit of one nature or another but with all the same old struggle with SELF-am persuaded in the final analysis there is only one Sin-the Sin of selfishness.

Oh this War-the hate-the suspicion-the selfishness that is aroused is in the very air we breathe, and seems what a pity- yet-do we read His word-it is all there. When man forgets God, such comes to pass.

People coming in-so must go-no the Priest from across the street [Father Philip P. Brennan] comes each Monday to Tom’s bedside to give communion and hear Confession-and he has been kind enough to bless our home.

Bye now-love from all here write again soon

Ever the same Edgar Cayce

R38. 10/3/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… South New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

Have not replied to yours of the 22nd…although I was disturbed to hear that Gertrude was not well. I suspect the difficulty is largely over fatigue and the resultant “nerves”…particularly the breaking out seems to be part of such a picture. I do hope that when this letter arrives it will find her much improved. The osteopathic treatments tend to relax her, you know…so insist on them even though […] feels them too expensive and too time absorbing. Dr. Crews [Gena Lowndes Crews, D.O.] told me when I was there that she needed those relaxing treatments so much…and that she never came as often as she should. Well…I can understand THAT.

The continued meetings of the first group must make you feel good. How beautifully they rally round. Yet how difficult it is to spread this same spirit over a wide area without your own personal presence. It is teachers…helpers…

lifters along the way that we so sorely need.

Just a slant on your thought about my “calling on the Doctor.” I don’t, you know. It is, in fact, very much the other way around. I have never paid a medium in order that I might talk with him…yet that is what he wishes I would do. Each week he sends a message to me through a friend who does visit a medium regularly.

I am often awakened by tapping…which I presume to be from him…perfect telegraph signals lately. These things are all mysteries to me…the more I have heard of them the less my opinions are settled on them. My impression is that the need to communicate is on his side. The communication is less satisfying to me, you know, because of the resentment I feel in that there were three years here in which a single action would have been worth 10,000 words.

My difficulties at safeguarding my thoughts and at taking action are so extreme that I am determined that if an offer of full time work comes I must take it. It is now almost five months since he left. I am grateful to the Good Lord who has helped me struggle through them…with enough to eat and the comforts of my home around me. But I must do more than struggle. I feel just one great need…to train myself to be strong and stronger and to train myself to recognize evil. I have had a most peculiar tendency, I see. I have manufactured little worlds thinking to be safe in them. But one cannot be safe in a little world of one’s own unless continually alert to the things which press from without.

I think that if I am more among people…either in magazine or newspaper work again…I shall grow stronger physically. The prick to action is offered by such contacts, too.

Do hope you are feeling stronger and that you will continue to feel so. Give Gertrude and all the family my love. [954]

R39. 10/10/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

… South New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

A short note…merely…I am sorrowful over you inability to get straightened out physically. Are you sure you are trying in all ways…sure you are not subconsciously tired? Do not tire of well doing although the way is hard. What you have done is written in golden letters in some better place than this…that hall of records to which you have been so often.

The need is still very great. As long as you have the slightest power…continue to comfort His children. I wish I might help in some way…help you and them. But I seem to have fallen short.

Have you again picked up the healing efforts of the Glad Helpers? Much physical help comes in this way and should not be stopped because of influence from some backward mind caught in an old pattern of thought. In our little group meeting on Wednesdays we have a fine soul who has some healing qualities. When he feels the power in him (often feeling his hands swell) we join hands, and a great feeling of new strength comes to us all.

Believe you will be interested in an impression of Monday… October 8th. I tuned in with you at about eleven o’clock… and got an immediate sense of contact. Then in the elevation I felt…I saw a very ornate silver salt shaker…rather Victorian in design. Then I saw a left mitt…as of a baseball catcher’s glove or a boxer’s glove. Could not help but wonder whether you were giving a reading in which either salt or sports were mentioned.

Best of love to you and to all. It’s good to hear of Gertrude’s improvement. But I had hoped after your last letter that you, too, had gotten a grip again and were o.k.

I understand perfectly what you mean about the Doctor. Fortunately not many…but only this one person…is in contact with me…and I get the messages only from her. I am very separated from people now, you know…and have no desire whatever to contact those the Doctor knew…Indeed I would run a mile to avoid any of them. As the months pass (five months on Wednesday)…the whole panorama of what happened to me shows up with a horrible clearness. I feel that the only thing that can save my sanity is to keep forging forward as much as strength will allow…into some cleaner, finer way of life. But of course the shocks and the loneliness have taken their toll inwardly. To try to reason about it is no good…

In it all you have stood out like a shinning light to me. I pray for your health and your ability to carry on.

Ever [954]

R40. 10/12/39 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954]-

Am sure you will be glad to know am feeling just fine again. Have just finished a fast-and that did the trick or allowed me to at least get away from so much material dross and feel like a new man this morning-just broke the fast this morning and now feel somewhat like the fellow who had his eyes opened. Yes-the healing group meet each Wednesday-usually here-and is doing a really great work.

Your impressions for Monday are very interesting, let me tell you a little story-of course my friend Sugrue is very sincere am sure-but can see he is a bit squeamish about what the Church may say about his interest in such work. Well on Monday the 2nd had letter from a Priest in Montreal Can. asking for a reading. Well when he read that, you never saw such a change, and with the reading-even a greater if possible-even the local Priest had condescended to Bless our home because Tom was here, BUT-well this letter from Father [2019], about sinched [cinched] the matter. Then Monday the 9th had special from a Rabbi [1839] of possibly the largest Temple in N.Y. So you see the salt shaker-also the Glove. But don’t we have some funny sides to our experience. And what Tom has said about these here where he sees such go on as he says no one in the world would believe unless they actually saw-these letters-and Tom’s wife was here to see the letter from the Church-and was she pleased-more than have see a body in a long time.

To me seems fine that you do not get tangled with some that would carry tales in messages-please done [don’t] think I am questioning the motive of the Medium-but so many-that are trouble makers creep in and declare they are the real ones.

Keep sweet-that is all-With HIM as your companion you will not be lonely and HE will never forsake you. You have HIS promise.

Love from all-all much better physically here-may we carry on and be of real help in HIS name. With love Edgar

R41. 12/21/39 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

New York, N.Y.

My dear Teacher:

I want you to know that this Christmas has new meanings for me…and that it brings me a greater peace and a greater understanding of my life processes…and of the reason for my being…ALL because a gentle and pitying angel once led me to the door of a simple house in Virginia Beach, Virginia. I want you always to remember that in YOU I have found something beautiful beyond the things of the earth lovely as they have sometimes been.

Dear love and blessings to Gertrude at Christmas. I am grateful beyond words for her better health. And to you I can say what all others forget…remember the Big Boy [1210] in a prayer on Christmas morning. Many (indeed almost all) forget radiance and service and suffering…but you and I will remember them.

Ever…

R42. 1/15/40 Mr. [2077] obtained a Life Rdg. via her recommendation.

R43. 4/12/40 Miss [954]‘s ltr. to EC:

My dear Teacher:

I hope you are having a good stay…presume you are overrun with people as is usual when you are in New York or what passes as near it for hardy travellers.

These life patterns working out are tremendous things. I often wonder whether as you seek the Hall of Records you have to read from the great symbols which I have seen. If you do…dear Teacher…then my hat is off to you even more than in the past.

Re [2160]: I had been prepared to see a strong mediumistic trait. It may, of course, even be there. But I also see the wisdom of not telling her about it…as the confusion is so great already. In meditation we work to get up and up and up…of course. And don’t you know [2160] fainted last time. She is very headstrong and argues about our procedure. We have been using a stiff self-discipline and getting wonderful healing and help. But [2160] must argue. So she came in arguing. I took charge and got the meditation going…and BANG…she hit the floor. I think there is a terrific drag from the astral, and she will not obey the rules which I have been able to give for protection…instead she argues. But she clings to me tenaciously.

Poor thing…I am happy that she had the reading. Who knows? She may get lots more out of it than is apparent at her first egotistic reaction for even the reading points to that trait of hers.

R44. 4/22/40 EC’s ltr. to Miss [954]:

Dear Miss [954];-

Thanks for yours of the 12th-had a nice stay in N.Y. was lovely where we were-had hoped you would find the time to come see us, was anxious to talk with you-yes busy each day and after the meeting each evening. Just hope we did something worthwhile for some one. Saw Miss [2160]-didn’t have chance to talk with her-she had her reading explained by H. L. but didn’t seem very well pleased or gave me that impression-tho she merely said-well that is that-but met some very lovely people, and quite a few new ones.

Yes-it must be from such patterns-as you see for it is all one we know, tho am only aware of it-in the manner have told you of.

Had this experience other evening-what would you make of it. Was out-realized others thought me dead, visited the home-saw the anxiety of all including Gertrude, H. L. and Miss Gladys- but couldn’t make my self known to them save by raps-or the like-and knew that would not convince them that I was there, then went to other places to see others-found you asleep- called you you answered in your sleep but when it awoke you- you merely said wish who ever that is wouldn’t bother me, then went to others found one [1602] playing music who plays inspirationally-entered the music-and they recognized me my presence but didn’t know how to answer me. Went to some one else-all the same-then turned those on that side, found recognition among very few-then met your Dr. [1210] he was addressing a group, and said I see a stranger among us today- wonder if he has any thing to say, I went forward shook his hand told him who I was, and he said Cayce-Cayce-just who is he, then reminded him that had once tried to give him some information-then he recognized me, and told the rest who I had been and asked me to speak to the group.

What do you make of that?

No-Gertrude wasn’t with me this time-H. L. of course Miss Gladys was-we had a very lovely place to stay-and met many many lovely people.

Didn’t come into N.Y. or would have seen you if possible save the evening of the meeting. Right in and right out that evening.

Just a line from Mrs. [2078] today-seems all better there- just hope it does bring help.

Thank you-and if have been of any help to any one all Praise to Him-for of myself am nothing save as HE may work in me.

Love and regards

Ever the same Edgar Cayce

R45. 4/23/40 Miss [954]‘s letter:

The facts as you give them check with me. As I leave for sleep I often ask to be used for healing or helping others. I have many experiences outside while sleeping but bring very few of them back into consciousness. Also my reaction to being awakened is so typical. How often do I wake and say (thinking it Doctor) “Dear…you simply must not wake me. I need this sleep for my body.” Some times I get angry and say “This is absolutely no good. If you want to talk to me you should have done it while you were in the body.”

I am also sure that it is very possible that you address groups and help people during your own sleep at night. Imaginative as it seems…it is most possible that you do meet Doctor and others often.

I’ll get this off. I’ll write again on other things soon.

Always… [954]

R46. 12/40 Christmas, from [954] to the Cayce Household…A Joyous Christmas:

AT CHRISTMAS

Master, you surely like us best At Christmas… When men upon the earth express Some of your winning gentleness At Christmas.

Master, we try our love to show At Christmas, Kneeling beside the manger low Gifts in hand and hearts aglow At Christmas.

Master, we do find Thee dear At Christmas. Wipe away our doubt and fear Help us keep Thee ever near As at Christmas!

R47. 10/14/41 She obtained a Ck. Life Rdg. - See 954-6.

Background

Background

B1. See 954-4 on 7/27/37 and subsequent Reports.

B2. 7/13/38 She submitted questions.

B3. 7/22/38 [954]‘s letter to EC:

… St. New York, N.Y.

Dear Teacher:

Greatly appreciate your giving me the time on the 26th 10:30 to 11:30 E.S.T. Only wish I could enclose with this letter a check to cover the entire expense…but hope to at least send something shortly.

I shall be at my home … St. … in meditation.

I am sorry to hear that you are still rather tired. I know only too well that what you need is a change…even a week in entirely different surroundings dropping the work for that period would do wonders for you. Can’t you make up your mind to run away? With the car a trip to real new country need not cost you much. Sometimes to run away and to return refreshed to pick up the burden is our only way. Last night I heard a Hindu speaking and he said “A period of activity and a period of rest is a rule that runs through the entire universe.” He was speaking of sleep…but it applies to other parts of our lives, too.

As we delve a little…we are continually struck by the deep basic philosophy and knowledge which underlies the readings. But to me the new thing and the different thing is the continual stress in them laid on service to others. So many of the old philosophies leave that out…or only touch on it lightly.

The questions in my coming reading are quite selfish ones …but I need the advice and help so much. Although I am now somewhat relieved of bitterness, each day brings its new difficulty…its new need for patience and faith. What a terrible lesson it all is in the need for any individual to face up to a thing quickly…to erase what must be erased …and to leave his life path clear and clean and open for action. And for one who loves the other one to see the struggle and the effort involved in making what should be easy decisions…is hard indeed.

I look forward eagerly to my reading…and I promise you that what it says I shall try to follow. I almost know the demand it will make of me even now.

Love to all of you…and remember what I say about running away…for a while. Either go alone or take the company which will nourish you most…and lift you most. Such a gesture is not selfish…for if we do not care for ourselves and keep in good condition we may not do the good in the world which we intend to do.

Ever yours in deep gratitude… [954]

P.S. Tell Gladys that in meditation recently I got for her the most lovely symbol…as of a brilliant diamond against a ground of blue…cut in a perfect hexagon with a raised center. I have never admired diamonds…so there is no wish thinking in that symbol. Doctor observed when I told him that the diamond is for purity…and that it is the pure reflector since it has no color in in itself! So I guess that fits beautiful Gladys all right.

Mentioned Entities

New York City, Gertrude Cayce, Gladys Davis, Jesus Christ, Meditation, Soul, Hugh Lynn Cayce, Healing, Ideal, Prayer, Glands (Esoteric), Karma, Book of Job, India, Universal Consciousness, Virginia Beach, China, Initiation, Miracles of Jesus, Purpose

Source: The Complete Edgar Cayce Readings, A.R.E. CD-ROM (2006). Reading 954-5, ReadingID 5888.