Reading 369-4

TEXT OF READING 369-4 F 23 (Kindergarten Teacher, Protestant

Text

Date: 9/19/1928 Sex: F Age: 23 ReadingID: 2845

Background) This psychic reading given by Edgar Cayce at his office, 115 West 35th Street, Virginia Beach, Va., this 19th day of September, 1928, in accordance with request made by self - [369].

[Edgar Cayce; Mrs. Cayce, Conductor; Gladys Davis, Steno. Miss [369].]

Time of Reading 4:40 P. M. Eastern Standard Time. …, Va.

1. GC: You will have before you the body and the enquiring mind of [369], present in this room. You will give the conditions of the mental body and the development and retarding of same, with suggestions for the improvement. You will answer questions regarding same.

2. EC: Yes, we have the body, the enquiring mind, [369]. The body-physical we have had before. [369-1, 2] The developments we have had before. [369-3]

3. In classifying or clarifying for the mental body as respecting developments, much would have to be taken for granted, or there would be the necessity of giving the various experiences as related to development as in respect to one’s experience in earth’s plane, and why, and the position the body occupies at present in its mental and spiritual development as related to the cause, or why one experiences varied positions, conditions, experiences, and their relations in the earth’s plane. Sufficient were these taken as given, that the body-mental has developed much in the earth’s plane. While viewed or correlated, or using ordinary standards as a criterion, SOME would not classify this as development, but taken as criterion for WHY one enters the earth’s plane, and the mental reaction as is seen in the present experience, there still remains that of will to be measured or considered in the present conditions. Hence, as given, the mental and spiritual, or the mental and soul development of the body, is above the ordinary; even though the body, considering from its physical or material surroundings, wouldn’t claim that for self.

4. The development, then, IS that nominally the innate self responds properly to that which brings for a soul, and for self’s OWN soul, proper and correct development at the present experience. Ready for questions.

5. (Q) In deciding to teach kindergarten this year, was it a wise decision? (A) This, as seen and correlated with that as has been given, that through such channels the body, the entity, may develop in this present experience - a wise decision. For self’s own mental and self’s own individual development, a wise decision.

6. (Q) Regarding all social contacts that have been or may be made, should I, for my own best development, follow my natural inclinations towards people, or should I force myself to continue my contacts with people with whom I feel I have nothing in common? (A) As has been indicated in that just given, the natural innate self IS to do that which brings the development for the entity mentally, and the soul or spiritual. Then, there is no CAUSE for forcing self in directions that brings constant uprisings that are unsavory to the body. There ARE conditions under which a sense of duty arises. Such relations, such contacts, WELL to be weighed in the mental self; yet there will be seen that ARE such [if there are such] considerations given, when the effort is only a matter of duty to others, the conditions themselves take form that bring about those ends that are well in keeping with the innate feelings of the body. This is not meant to indicate that the body CANNOT think in error, or cannot act in a manner not in keeping with that as would bring the best development, yet there IS indicated - and is GIVEN - that INNATELY the development has been such that, INNATELY or NATURALLY, the natural bent of the development of entity is such, that it CHOOSES right by nature; and will is the factor that is to be dealt with most often. This is indicated especially in those relations held by the entity regarding some associations [with one of opposite sex] that are pleasant indeed in SOME directions, yet there are times when this becomes abhorrent to the better self, from that as is innately felt will be the outcome of such relations were the body [if the body were] (not the entity, but the BODY) to allow itself to become wholly infatuated with what the outcome might be, irrespective of duty, obligation, or self, as in respect to self’s own interests as FELT by self. Then, in such relations, let that innate self speak when such conditions, such associations, such relations arise. Let the INNER self speak. Apply will, and keep self where there will not be condemnation for self’s own mental forces.

7. (Q) Regarding my relations past, present and future, with those of the opposite sex, what should be my underlying principle in this respect? (A) That just as given.

8. (Q) Regarding my close association with a certain individual and his influence over me, please advise and counsel me concerning this, in detail.

(A) Little can be added to that already given, for this relation was used as the illustration of how self should act, and how self responds to that association. Hence counsel well with the inner self as regarding such. Be not unmindful of that as has been given, as to what various associations brought for self through the varied experiences in the earth’s plane. See, know, that many of those conditions that brought pain, suffering, of an UNNECESSARY nature in those experiences, are combined in this one; so that, as seen, many joys and many sorrows are set side by side. Choose that thou would mete to self through the experiences of the day, for in every relation that comes there is that mark that must be accounted for to SELF, rather than to any other. Do not that which will mar self’s own esteem of self. This does not mean selfishness, but rather does it imply even as in service, to save self is to save another from THEMSELVES, or for self, or in self, and in so doing one may save themselves.

9. (Q) If I continue to do my best, will everything turn out right? (A) Just as has been indicated.

10. (Q) How, and in what manner, can I best help the work of [EC] the Association of National Investigators; that is, just what IS my status, and what SHOULD be my status with same? (A) MUCH - as has been or will be seen as respecting the various and varied associations of those who gathered or combined themselves in that period, when the work was first begun. Egypt] Study that of self’s association with that group, and there will be seen MUCH will be required - or is required in SELF - for that which may be accomplished in the present experience; especially along the line of ACCURATE data for the study of experiences of each as pertaining to that experience, and applied in the present for the development of each individual. We are through for the present.

Reports

Reports & Follow-up

R1. 7/26/29 Letter from Univ. of Va. (after 6 wks. summer school) to friend Miss [288]: “Am going to Phila. tomorrow, will meet Aunt […] and then we will go on up to Thousand Islands, stay there a couple of weeks, and then on up into Can. to Quebec. Believe we will have a nice trip… Am not sorry to leave here a bit. Things have been better, but all the same I am ready to leave…Have made some nice girl friends… I too feel that another winter at home (my last chance in a way) is the right thing and I shall stick to it, but it will be the last one. I shall branch out somewhere next year… The only way you have ever failed me, [288] dear, is in being so self-satisfied in a way that at times I could shake you. Already [288] I am sorry I said that. I don’t mean it as it sounds. There is a side to me that you can’t seem to grasp or understand. Perhaps because it is so foreign to your own nature. At times you seem to understand partly and while you never condemn, I feel oh, so far apart - and feel almost ashamed to express myself freely for fear of disgusting you, and then that makes me feel deceitful mentally and rubs me the wrong way. I suppose a certain individual has had a lot to do with it. Now, I shall tell the truth about that, [288]. I still cannot forget him and there are many little reminders and memories that hurt and will keep on hurting this winter, and so you must be patient about it all. I wonder if I shall ever forget? It is so strange. This winter I shall fight hard, but I shall not pretend, unless I choose to, that I have forgotten. It’s funny - I feel that it’s alright for me to say what I want to against him, but when you do it irritates me, and your intense dislike for him makes me bristle! It is all over, and by that I mean even an occasional date, and I shall frankly miss him more than I will probably ever tell you next winter… Last Sat. night I met the most attractive man I ever met in my life with no exception. I don’t mean I fell for him or anything. He was a N.Y. writer, 45 and married, but one of those all round men I have been reading about all my life and was beginning to think did not exist. Was relieved to find there was a man on earth at present who could interest me greatly and just seeing him that one night or date has helped a great deal. Will tell you all about it when I see you. On the whole, [288], I feel that I have progressed these 6 wks. - maybe not much, but a little. I passed all ten of my swimming tests. That course hasn’t been easy for me. The teacher was hardboiled and cross and many times I have been on the verge of dropping it, because of my fear of diving, but I have conquered it to a large extent and while I don’t swim very well, I am proud of myself for sticking because it has been hard. One night I couldn’t sleep for being so nervous over it, but the next day I made myself do it. Maybe next winter I will take swimming at Y.W.C.A. in Norfolk. Golf I shall take up positively. I am so poor at all these things, but I must conquer them.”

R2. 8/27/29 Letter to friend Miss [288]: “Well, a wk. from tonight I shall be on the boat on my way home… I enjoyed my stay and things were different from what I expected. One thing happened I will tell you about when I see you, the last night in…that I shouldn’t have done, but I didn’t regret that and it is just recently that I can trace back this hopeless feeling to that night. Wonder if I can make you understand? It was not what I did that night, but the realization of the weakness in myself. Now I see so clearly how I am and will probably always be, as I’m not strong enough to be otherwise. It is this way, [288]. I may spend months living right, etc., with very little temptations, and then something will come along I want and then I have GOT to have it and to hell with everything else. I realize dimly at the time I shouldn’t and that I’ll pay, but no power on earth could stop me. I just have to grab that minute regardless of all else. And I shall probably be that way all my life. This is why, [288], I am so unhappy. There is not any need of sitting down saying I can when I don’t know if I’ll ever conquer it. So you see, [288], my life will NEVER work out. It can’t, and I’m not strong enough to make it. Why say I am, when I’m not? Don’t believe I’ve been as unhappy and unsettled since last Sept. Oh, that horrible month - and October. Sometimes, [288], I feel that has left so much that cannot be erased. I feel differently even from when I last saw you, like another person. Sometimes at night I lie and can’t go to sleep and think that if I were that type of person I might kill myself, but as I am not I will either go on not caring one way or other - unhappy or either start running around promiscuously. Of the two, the first appeals more than the last, yet I don’t know. I just feel that my life has come to a standstill and there is nothing ahead, because I have lost all my faith in myself. You see, it was not that night, but all it has made me realize. Since then nothing of the sort has happened, but there have been times when I would - I have known in myself that same powerful feeling - but due to circumstance, etc., couldn’t. However, those times count as much as if they had really happened. You’ll say, ‘Oh, but you can!’ And I’ll go for a while and then the first thing I really want will come along and nothing else will matter. Can you imagine the effect all this has had on me? It is not due to the kind of people I have met, but just myself. What matters now? Of course it’s never too late to start, but these numerous ones will do me no good. I believe I’d be better not even to start, than to make so many failures. There is a terrible weakness in me… This winter I shall be so difficult you will not want to be with me I’m afraid. If only I didn’t have this terrible desire to seize things and people so at once, without waiting for normal development. I do know that I have an almost uncanny instinct of knowing right from wrong, and if I had your strength but I haven’t. What will become of me this winter? …The strange thing is that only once during all this time have I done a thing that according to my ideas I shouldn’t, but I know the times I would if possible. This is getting me nowhere and I will stop. I hated to write it to you, because you thought everything was all right, and I have enjoyed the trip as much as I guess I’ll ever enjoy anything else - but those mad moments, if I allow myself those - and the times are far and few between that I find a person who can give me those. What a mess my mind is in!… [288], I am afraid to come home - wish I never had to come back. I hate most everything about it - the reminders, associations and the people. You, Mrs. […], Mr. Cayce, [294] and […] are all I care for, and to have to come back

• Have I the nerve?” [GD’s note: We heard that she did resume relationships with the man off and on. She wrecked her health because she was constantly afraid of becoming pregnant, and her mind fought her emotions.]

R3. 4/2/30 See Ck. Physical 369-5 indicating that she was on the verge of T.B. [See subsequent Ck. Physical Rdgs. for various ailments.]

R4. 7/28/30 Letter from a camp in Vermont bemoaned the fact that she hadn’t heard from…[him]; even though she had broken with him she wanted assurance from him that he cared, etc: “I spend most of my time out on the lake - I am learning to paddle a canoe and it is lots of fun… I have had to build up a wall around ‘him’. I just cannot let myself think about him. The minute I do everything goes and I am all sick inside. Of course sometimes the wall cracks and crumbles and I can’t help it and it is awful. I am controlling my mind pretty well now, but there is an undercurrent in everything I do and that happens - that makes things seem well, not just right. Even when I am not thinking of him. I am afraid it will be years before it disappears.”

R5. 8/9/30 Ltr. fr. N.H: “I planned to spend the mo. of Aug. in camp, but it took me only one week-end to discover that camp life was not for me… If I could only understand him - why he did some things - his motives, no matter how bad they were, I could be more at rest… I don’t know if I can keep on fighting or not. I won’t ever go back with him, of that I am positive.”

R6. 8/20/30 “E… (the N.Y. man I met and admired so last summer) committed suicide last week. Jumped off his apt. roof.” [She wrote that she was sick with indigestion, diarrhea, etc., from indulging in candy, etc., and had torn down all she had built during the summer - had lost 6-7 lbs.]

R7. 11/30 She made overtures to the man she was in love with - sent him an expensive birthday gift - and resumed the relationship.

R8. 2/21/31 See Ck. Life 369-7 advising that she had relied on him in the Egyptian incarnation; he was her second husband, after the change came with the Priest [294]‘s banishment; and that the present relationship should be a development for both of them.

Background

Background

B1. See Life Rdg. 369-3 on 11/3/27 and subsequent Reports.

B2. 9/19/28 She submitted questions. One primary concern is a strong attraction to a man whom she knows innately she would not be willing to marry, though she has already entered into a physical relationship with him.

Mentioned Entities

Soul, Entity (Cayce Term), Egypt, Mental Body, A.R.E. (Association for Research and Enlightenment), Gertrude Cayce, Gladys Davis, Incarnation, Ra Ta, Virginia Beach

Source: The Complete Edgar Cayce Readings, A.R.E. CD-ROM (2006). Reading 369-4, ReadingID 2845.